Closet Monster:about hidden demons and their influence on decisions!

by Paula Sochacka

Do you ever feel that your present life is not satisfying you anymore? Some inexplicable emptiness invades everyday life, absorbs all joy and takes away the motivation to act?

Maybe your job is too overwhelming and even holiday can’t improove your well- being? Maybe your partner seems to be completely different person? Maybe you are not sure what really bothers you but you feel like it is not your life anymore- it is like being a character in the movie that you don’t want to participate anymore or desparately asking for changing scenario.

Take deep breath- we all have demons- facing them all life long.

Ok, so what to do to feel better?

Changes in daily routine, even small might help to overcome this state. Sure, it depends- small or big- what does it really mean? There is no one right answer for that, for everyone it means something completely different.

The most important thing is to start thinking what might be the reason, if anything has changed lately…

Should be easy…right? But it is not…

Some people are afraid of changing anything- change means something  new and we like to be surrounded by people that we already know, working for the same company for years despite of frustration that is growing  inside- adding  more and more dark shades to our life. That is the price for closing eyes and trying to avoid ugly truth. If we close eyes it doesnt mean that the problems disseapear, we try to believe or convince ourselves that if we ignore some alert signals- monster will go away to find another victim.

In psychology but not only we have term: trap of drowned cost. We talk about it when the thinking about costs (effort, time, energy) we invested in some particular part of our life stops us before making  any decisions/ moves. I can tell you from my own experience- if you feel not ok –inaction is the worst possibile choice, it will never become a solution.

Getting stuck in the past puts your life in memories, you are not present so how can you think about future? There is no time machine that could take you to the places that you really enyojed to be, with people that made you smile- that would be awesome but not going to happen. Those moments may help you understand what you really need. I am not asking you to forget but to be more focused on your life here and now.

So how to start fighting for happiness and well being?

If I have difficulty with making decision, I am trying to use imagination and try to see myself in the next 5 years. This gives you perspective on the whole situation: your status in society, being in relationship, working the same place, contacts with friends and family.

Another helpful strategy is simply list of adventages and disadventages of possibile solutions in present situation or problem that you are dealing with.

Fear? It will appear – questions: am I doing right thing?  It’s normal. Remember that we have only one life and the search for happiness is an integral part of it. It’s better to regret your efforts than to stand still, hoping for a miracle, it’s fun to believe in magic and miraculous powers but even better feeling gives the certainty that we are the captains on our own ship – we decide where we are going and with whom on board.

Remember- the first step- maybe the most scary is to look the beast straight in the eyes and move on!